Bakersfield

I skated the skatepark alone. I met a few friendly faces on the concrete, but I left the skatepark the same way I came in.
A homeless man yelled at me as I eyed up the wallride he lay against.
I cut my losses and headed to the bus station. I used Bezan's phone to figure out how much desert lay between me and Santa Fe. A lot.
After much stressing I said Fuck It and paid the hundred bucks for a bus ticket. The bus didn't leave til after midnight, so I took it upon myself to see the sights of Bakersfield and experience the night to come. I walked dreaded and heavy through the suburbs. House after house, yard after yard, fence after fence. I passed an abandoned power station, adorned with signs of danger, cancer risks and holes cut with pliers.
The sun went down, I felt hungry, so I found a bar. They served burgers, so I ordered one. There was a band playing at the bar but it was nothing special. I passed the time by making conversation with a couple girls, Beth and her friend. I grew restless, so I asked them what the hell else was going on. They took me to another bar.
We walked downstairs into a crowded sweaty den. The band was killing it full swing. Funk, RnB, rock.. it was on. I vaguely remember leaving my skate with the bouncer on the door. Vaguely. I danced and danced. The upcoming bus departure seemed weeks away. The Frontwoman was sexy as hell. Legs, dress, bright blonde flowing hair and a powerful stance. It went and went, until I couldn't anymore. They ended on "Sunday Morning". fucking killed it. I drunkenly stumbled up the stairs to the street. "HEy! Is this yours??" Yelled a voice
I turned around to see a man holding my beautiful dark-red Alva single-tail. What a great man that bouncer was. Me, Beth and her friend jumped in her car and started driving. Beth put Tegan and Sara on the stereo. I lost my head again.
"YOU LISTEN TO TEGAN AND SARA?!!?". She started to laugh.
Nineteen came on. Fuck we almost crashed into a signpost.

    "I felt you in my legs, before I ever met you.."

    "when you lay beside me, I told youuu"

FUCCKK...

"Now we're sayin bye, BYEEEeeeEEEEE..."

How can you express the feeling, it was beyond it all. To love a song so deeply and wonderfully, and to find someone who feels the same way on the other side of the world, in Bakersfield of all places, at 1am in the front seat of a beat-up sedan. What a trip. Her friend in the backseat was silent the whole time, I don't remember talking to her at all besides at the first bar.
After the song ended we talked drunk and messy until the bus station came up.
"you don't have to go, you can stay at my place in my brother's bedroom. You just have to wake up before my Dad does."

Now, here is where a real story could have started. Unfortunately, that is not the case. I was a very nervous and panic-ridden person during this time, on top of being alone and on a time-limited travel visa. My biggest concern was over-staying and not being allowed back in the US. What I should have done was said Fuck It to the future and gone headlong into the dusty twisting road of freedom. Unbridled, unchartered, unnacountable freedom. 

Time caught up with me and I pulled the reins, deciding to take the easy choice and ride the bus.
I needed more alcohol for the ride. Unfortunately I forgot how strict Americans are about drinking.
I was harrased by the station officer-boy who sounded like a robot. The more he called me "Sir" the more I wanted to disobey him. He couldn't have been over 18. I felt angry and drunkenly hurled the 12 pack into the can.
"Stop ben.. You're making a scene!" hissed Beth, quietly in my ear.
"Enjoy the afterparty" I told the attendant, as he scuttled over and feebly attempted to fish the bag of beers out of the can.
I wish I had the guts to say Fuck It to my stupidly expensive bus ticket and take the ride home with Beth, but thats the way life goes. Full of grabbed and missed opportunites.. wished I'd could-haves, never-ending wantings.. but in the end, all you have is where you are.

 I wrote a song today. Well, a melody really. Fil and Zvone lie sleeping in my room. its 10am, cars are moving, people are drinking coffee and chatting outside.
It was a day and a night. A serious day and a night.
I started off feeling fucked. Completely fucked. Every human interaction was a burden.
Me Fil and fil went for a jam. It wasn't good. At times it was okay, but mostly it sucked. It felt like a hassle. Something was weighing me, weighing us down. After the jam I drank a couple beers and smoked a cig with Fil.
We walked to town to catch the jam at KCM. Something about walking calmed me down. By the time we reached the spot I stopped caring so much. We bumped into some guys on the stairs and their energy breezed right through us. It felt nice to watch them walk away. We sat and finished our cigarettes before we entered the club. 
Inside it was the same old guys, jamming away. There were some solid notes here and there, some dark-purple coloured moments, but overall it didn't do that much for me. There was no sense of life or energy in their music. It seemed more like a routine, or a means to showcase their individual talents rather than attempt to make something. I sat through it until the drummers changed. Needed a break so went outside. fil was on the terrace drinkin a beer after 2 weeks sober, so I savoured it and lit up a cigarette. We talked about some things and how much we love each other, and then settled into our chairs and admired all the beautiful women around us. The music started sounding good so I went in to check it out. 

I went back out after a bit to join fil again. He felt chilly so we migrated indoors. The music started getting hot again, so I ushered him downstairs and we joined Fil. Bought a new round and enjoyed the sounds. They entered a jazz number and the drummer started to sweat a little.
The new bassist was into it hard, his fingers moved pretty damn fast. There were two guitarists this time, the one guy playing a white guitar was shredding, fingers all over the place, never a wrong note, perfect actually, but enjoyably perfect. 
At some point the drummers changed, and then gave up, so I jumped in.
Almost naturally all the other musicians dropped their instruments, so Fil and fil came up. It was pretty sick timing. We started jamming straight away. I was pretty drunk. I was trying to play faster than my co-ordination could allow, missing beats and generally sucking hard. Eventually we found our groove and it felt good. We built it up and broke it down, then built it up again and again. I looked up and there were only 3 or 4 people watching, but they were actually watching us. They weren't talking or anything, just watching. That felt cool. fil caught my eye and yelled that we had to stop cos they were closing, so we wrapped it up as neat as we could.

after that we sat on the terrace a while and I started gettting itchy feet so I invited everyone over for rice and beer. Picked up a tallboy and a pack of crisps on the way and immediately started washing the rice. Homies came round, rice cooked up, mixed it with Tomato paste and ajvar. I liked it. Zvone seemed to like it too. The guys talked and talked. Fil played a 10-minute compilation of random people singing the intro to Down with the Sickness. I fell asleep at some point. When I woke up they were still talking except Zvone was asleep. Eventually the brothers left and me and Fil got to talking heavy.
We cried, we laughed, we hugged and sang as the world awoke around us. We watched the customers drinking coffee on the courtyard below us. The waitress came out to serve them.
"She's pretty skanky" commented Fil.
"Yeah but you'd fuck her if you had the chance."
"Of course" he replied.

https://soundcloud.com/ben-coniam/zg-depress-tuning-2